Never Be Recovered.

Have you ever got this all-in-one feeling? A depression package. That feeling that combines grief, boredom fatigue. No, I am not that depressed where I want to die, heck noo. I just feel so tired and sick of everything I have to go through these days.

PMR is over but then my toe cracked so I cant go anywhere at the moment. Still crooked. Stuck at home doing nothing. My phone has been mistaken to be out of service whereas it was just the simcard that didnt correctly fitted. So there I was, still am, bored. To death.

Do you know what it feels like, having your days so empty? To cry mute, to have your head throbbing, to have your heart breaking, bit by bit and to feel so worthless as every minute goes by, checking your phone, hoping for a simple text from someone but no, nothing.

Yeah I remember that night recently. Al Ben, a cute guy from Subang Jaya hollered at me on Skype but I didnt feel like chatting what more having video chat. I was online on Facebook and saw Azhar was online too. He didnt holler so I assumed he was busy so yeah, let him be. Not a problem.

I got so bored. I need someone to talk to. And at that time, I believe talking to strangers would be nice. So I went Omegle and found a guy from California. His name is Kyle, 19, white and asian. Nice guy, open minded and seemed to know a bit about Malaysia. Oh and he's humble too. I told him I like his name as he told me I have a nice name. He's a genius. God. He's a good guesser. He said I was around 15 and EXACTLY! I am 15.

I taught him a bit of Bahasa Melayu since he didnt mind. Haha. I did most of the asking. I talked much about myself until there's this one moment that I had to leave him hanging. It was approximately 3 and my mum was suddenly awake LOL. I left Kyle. JUST LIKE THAT. I am still feeling bad about it.

I couldnt sleep as a consequence of the dream I had a few days ago whereby I was dead. Waking up alive. Confounded. Back to square one, yeah I couldnt sleep. I texted Azhar. I told myself I would be so lucky if he replies. Then I closed my eyes. A few moments later he replied. Just a few texts with a smile in each of them, I found myself a bit consoled. After reciting Ayat Kursi and Al-Fatihah I dozed off. That easy.


This morning, I accidentally kicked the couch with my left foot. My fourth toe, which is the one that is going to recover, hurt like hell! I felt like crying. I dont know if I am just being a drama queen but I think I can feel the bone there isnt at the right position. My head is still throbbing since two nights ago. Now I feel like barfing. Yeah I know, sucks to be me.