The Flibbertigibbet's Effusion

I think I told you that I am off to bed. Well, I guess.. NENOTTTTTTTT! Lol I need to express my feelings tonight. Oh God, it is 4.26. Morning. Whatever.


It is funny how people could actually say that they are in love or even tell someone that they are in love with them, without knowing the definition of love itself.


I have experienced so many type of feelings related and so to be called love. I thought I was in love with so many guys. As I grow up, here and now, I must confess, I know I have only two love experience. The rest are just what they called puppy love. No, not monkey love you dummy. Gosh there is no such thing as monkey love. Nampak sangat direct translation from the Malay phrase, cinta monyet :p


Ummmm so I had great love stories untold. Perhaps the first one does not need to be told as I dont feel liking telling you so. And it does not even matter to me now. That one sweet love is now vanished. Making its way to the bloody hell.


True love. I hope I am guessing this right. Because I have never wanted someone to love me as much as I want him to love me this bad. I keep telling myself, "I should have known. I should have known..." But to be real, we cant go back in time.


Fortunately, our unknown relationship is going on just fine. I am not going to take him for granted. I am not going to assume he's going to be mine relating to the fact that I cannot detect his feelings. He is so hard to be predicted.


He somehow cares about me. He tries to listen despite he could not understand me. He has faith in Allah. He is sweet, romantic. He is intelligent. He has the look. He is pretty much well-heeled but I dont think that's the main point. He is the guy every girl could ever dream of. And I am somewhat in a competition.


I know I love him. So much. People really do love him too. I promise I will not be sad if he do not love me the way I wanted. Love cannot be forced. If he doesnt love me, I will deal with this fate without complaining. For maybe Allah has better plans for me and I will be accepting it the way it is.