This time last 3 years we were fine. We were still very much in love. Little did we know that the following month things went south for us. Our friend once asked me, "How does a person fall out of love with you, out of the blue, without any reason whatsoever?" I have come to understand exactly how she felt. We share the same question for almost 2 years now.
I'm sure we can all agree that no relationship is perfect, ours included. We went from having not a single problem to problematic yet left unaddressed, real quick. I didn't even get to do everything I planned for you, for I could sense love draining out of you, yet I was so in denial that I kept pretending as if all was well.
What really broke me was when you decided to choose to "help" another person while hiding things from me and lied to me about it when you knew I needed you the most that day. You knew. Broken is an understatement, I was completely shattered.
I wanted to believe that it was just a normal rough patch that every relationship goes through, we never even had one before that. But I guess we both knew that things were never the same since that day. Everything else that happened since then leading up to the day we had an actual conversation about it, was make-believe.
And so it finally happened, that night over the phone, I asked about every possible issue but you denied them all. You said "it's not you, it's me, I can't commit", "you didn't do anything wrong" but you also said, "we keep hurting each other". A year later when we met you told me the exact same thing except for the "we keep hurting each other" part. I asked, time and again, if there was anything wrong at my end, "did I hurt you in any way?" to which you replied, "you didn't do anything wrong".
We both know that's bullshit. I know I must have had my fair share of weaknesses and blunders. I wish you would've just told me. Heck, it'd be easier to digest if you'd tell me that you cheated. That honestly would be easier for me to deal with. At least it's clear-cut. And I've been there. Didn't take me this long to move on.
It's a shame, you know? As we started off as friends. Good friends. I remember rushing to take a train to meet you right before you took off for a mobility program but I couldn't make it on time. It couldn't get any more movie-like than that. But after all that, you wouldn't even meet me halfway.
It's a shame, having all of my friends really rooting for us whereas at your end, well they just wanted us to end. If you really know me, you'd know that I'm okay with my partner having girl friends. I have my guy friends as well. But one should know where to draw the line, which you didn't even bother to try.
It's heartwrenching, knowing that as much as I tried to learn more and more about you, and no matter how much I tried to learn about the things you like and incorporate them into my life, just so that we could enjoy the same things, you just won't do the same.
You know, even after being so hurt, I still bought your favourite Digestive biscuit but the only reason I didn't give it to you was that I realized it was almost expired and it wasn't nice to give that to someone I really cared about.
Even after being so hurt, I still chose you. But you chose everything, everyone else over me. It's crystal clear where I stand.
Silly me thinking I should just be really transparent about myself and what I've gone through, thinking you were my safeguard, that you'd never be the cause of pain to my already-melancholic life because I really thought we were endgame. But instead, it's us, we ended.
I still wish you well, hoping that someday, I, too, will be.
